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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

Love Isn’t Just About Valentine’s Day

Ahh Valentine’s Day, the universal day of love and adoration, celebrated and cherished by all…or is it?

Most women don’t realize that most men are not really fans of and actually dislike Valentine’s Day. They don’t place it on the same “ultimate show of affection” pedestal; don’t think it’s the emotional end-all or zenith of amour. In fact, it puts tremendous pressure on them to figure out what to do, how to satisfy their partner’s expectations and come out looking like a hero. Have you ever wondered why your mate acts so strange around the middle of Feb?

• If a couple is in a new relationship, it’s not uncommon for the male to disappear until after “the day” has come and gone – surfacing later as if nothing has happened.
• If a relationship is a bit rocky, V-Day seems to shine a huge spotlight on all the challenges, mistakes and inadequacies within the romance.
• If a couple is reconciling, it’s the imperative time to prove a renewed commitment to their romantic success.
• Under the best circumstances and within healthy relationships, it’s the ideal opportunity to reaffirm and express undying love, passion and appreciation.

All of this because of one little day - WOW! How did this all start? When did the Valentine's Day frenzy begin? As is true of much of history, scholars tell slightly different versions of the history of this popular holiday, and the actual origins of Valentine's Day are still shrouded in mystery.

According to University of Notre Dame Professor Lawrence Cunninghame, scholars have two main theories to explain how February 14 became synonymous with romance:

*Roman Feast of Lupercalia - This ancient pagan fertility celebration, which honored Juno, queen of the Roman gods and goddesses and goddess of women and marriage, was held on February 14, the day before the feast began. During festival time, women would write love letters, also known as billets, and leave them in a large urn. The men of Rome would then draw a note from the urn and ardently pursue the woman who wrote the message they had chosen. (Apparently, the custom of lottery drawings to select valentines continued into the 18th century, coming to an end when people decided they'd rather choose their valentines sight seen.)

*Early Christians were happier with the idea of a holiday honoring the saint of romantic causes than with one recognizing a pagan festival. In 496 A.D., Pope Gelasius named February 14 in honor of St. Valentine as the patron saint of lovers. In 1969, Pope Paul VI dropped it from the calendar. However, the blend of Roman festival and Christian martyrdom had caught on, and Valentine's Day was here to stay.

So how do you get the most for your emotional investment during this time honored tradition? How do you come thru relatively unscathed, and singing the praises of this magical day? Here are some Valentine’s Day Guidelines:

If you’re single, get busy; go out, make plans with your friends, go to a movie or party – do anything fun. DON’T sit at home with your pint of Ben & Jerry’s, feeling like you’re the ONLY single in a world of couples – you’re NOT! There will be plenty of Valentine’s Days ahead to share with that special someone!

Tell your partner what you would like to do, experience and receive. Be sure to include several different options and variations for them to choose from. NO, it WON’T spoil the surprise, disprove their love, or make it “too easy” on them. Get out of the school of “if they really love me they should know what I want.” Honest communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship, and it’s better to give them a laundry list of your desires for them to choose from - to your delight - than ending the day in tears because they didn’t “guess” correctly.

Take the pressure off BOTH OF YOU! Make this a wonderful, loving, lighthearted day that you will remember with a smile. The world WON’T end if it isn’t absolutely stellar! Too many people place so much emphasis on this having to be THE PERFECT day, that it ruins the romance and magic. Some of the best Valentine stories are from couples that just enjoyed one another, expressed their sincere caring and went with the flow! It ISN’T the ONLY day to show your love for someone – whether friend or lover. If it IS, then you’d better reevaluate your romantic strategy!!

All this being said, here are some tangible things you can do, during and after V-Day, to assure it becomes one of your favorite memories:

100 Reasons Why
Write down at least 100 reasons why you love your partner. Be specific and lush with vivid details. They’ll be so touched and very appreciative.

Make-up Special Kisses
We have Butterfly Kisses, Eskimo Kisses, 10 Second Kisses and a myriad of others. Invent some of your own and give them special names only the two of you know. It’s a great way to create your own love language and “secretly” ask for a kiss.

A Loving Gesture Every Day
Don’t let a day go by without letting your partner know they’re on your mind and in your heart. How? Leave short notes for them to find, send an e-mail or e-card every morning reminding them how special they are, how much you admire them, and always attempt to give them something to start their day with a smile.

Great Simple, Memorable Dates
Be creative – plan a picnic, go to a drive-in, take a moonlight drive, walk on the beach at sunset, recite a poem you wrote, or any other simple activity that will create romantic history and leave lingering memories.

Play & Act Like Kids
It’s emotionally bonding to act like kids together. Go to the park and play on the swings, buy an all-day amusement park pass, build sandcastles at the beach, or buy coloring books and color outside the lines. Don’t think, just relax, play and have a blast.

“Ditto”
In the movies “Ghost,” Patrick Swayze couldn’t say “I Love You,” so he said “Ditto.” Create your own personal, intimate word/s that express amour, can be used anytime and only the two of you know the meanings. It’s very intimate!

Whisper Sweet Nothings
During a quiet, tender moment, whisper how much you value everything your partner does for you, that they’re appreciated and you love them unconditionally. You’ll be surprised what a difference it makes.

Sweet Dreams
Always remember to tell your loved one “sweet dreams” before you leave them, get off the phone, or fall asleep. They’ll remember it when they fall asleep and you'll be the last thing on their mind.

Heart to Heart
Spend time appreciating one other; for instance, lie in one other’s arms and listen to each other’s heartbeat. It’s the most amazing feeling to connect with your partner in this way!

Romance 101
The simplest way to show your love and affection... simply holding hands.

Happy Valentine’s Day!